I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
