Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
