Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
