OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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