I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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