I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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