There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
