Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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