Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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