Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
