apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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