Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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