i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
So much Jack, so little girl.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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