I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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