Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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