My room smells like vodka and shame
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
