singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
