just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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