I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
