Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
