Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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