Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
