i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
