fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
