Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
