I could make wine with my vomit
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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