I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
