I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
