Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
