Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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