no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Randomize
