Don't make out with my wife yet
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
