the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
My vagina is officially offended.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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