i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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