I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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