Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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