I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize