Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
