went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
