mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Drunk is a universal language darling
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