Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
