i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
