Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
