You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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