It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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