it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
The best revenge is premature balding
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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