Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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