My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
