Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
