the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
