One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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