yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
