How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
