A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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