you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
