guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He passed out mid-signature
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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