i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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