I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
