so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
