I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
