I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
