Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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