It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
