can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
