ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
