Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize