turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize