Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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