Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I need to calm my uterus...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
