Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
