Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
